are we there yet?
Mood:  spacey
Now Playing: orbital - the peel sessions
still no snow and it's christmas. .. ..
. .. . . .. .. BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. . . .

only 365 more days till we get to do it all over again.. . maybe next year it'll actually feel like christmas.

2 stiff drinks with jack and i still don't feel festive ... ..
crap. ...
.. .. . damn mistletoe seems to be broken.. .. .
. . .. can't i get a kiss?

maybe in 6 days i'll try again .. .. ..

happy christchaunakawanzamas bitches!

DEADcisions
Now Playing: the faint - wet from birth
got this guy i know...
.. . . he's got this band. ...
never heard them before .. . .. .. . .
.. .. .. . .
i've got this fasination .. ..
. .. one with a crowd .. ... .. . .
seems i'm the center of attention. .. ..
. .. .. .. . .....
..
. .
. . ....
. .
.. .. . .get me a demo .. .. ..
. .. .. . . . record a vocal .. .. .
. . .. send it back. . .. .
.. .
.. ..
.. .
MAGIC

. . .will it happen? ?? ?? ? ? ?? ? ?? ? ?






never.not.without.

its the final countdown
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: depeche mode - black celebration
it snowed for 2 days...
.. .. late last nite and all day today it friggin rained. ...
. .. mostly cold and/or freezing rain. ...
snow has and is melting.
sad day.

i hate myself and want to die.

thank you.

11:45 am
Topic: the artist within?
infinite sadness,
light hits my eyes,
sheltering laughter,
covers thick air in lies,
little left in matter,
little left at all,
teardrops fall and shatter,
echos throughout the halls,
dark blankets silence,
misty air dissolves,
the night bringing comfort,
heeds my desperate calls.

another random post
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: slipknot - vol.3 the subliminal verses
so...
well, it snowed today... . normally this would make me excited, yet. . .it hasn't.
i rather smash things up
my life, my face. . .this damed computer !!

i can't explain it.
i wish i could but i can't... .
it seems the older i get the more i HATE the holidays.
the more i hate myself.

i can feel my blood itching at my skin.

did i mention it snowed?

happy thanksgiving
Mood:  irritated
happy.. .. gobble gobble, awww horseshit!

stupid day. stupid turkey. stupid life.

Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: the cure - staring at the sea (the singles)
Topic: sounds like it was for me
SONG: a night like this

say goodbye on a night like this
if it's the last thing we ever do
you never looked as lost as this
sometimes it doesn't even look like you
it goes dark
it goes darker still
please stay
but I watch you like I'm made of stone
as you walk away

i'm coming to find you if it takes me all night
a witch hunt for another girl
for always and ever is always for you
your trust
the most gorgeously stupid thing I ever cut in the world

say hello on a day like today
say it everytime you move
the way that you look at me now
makes me wish I was you
it goes deep
it goes deeper still
this touch
and the smile and the shake of your head

i'm coming to find you if it takes me all night
can't stand here like this anymore
for always and ever is always for you
i want it to be perfect
like before
i want to change it all

i want to change

music. . .music
Mood:  mischievious
new eminem cd encore:
................. . ..... verdict. .. .. . ..
.. . .
........ .. .. BRILLIANT!!!

new die it
Mood:  cool
gonna make an attempt at a new and IMPROVED diet.... .

here she goes. . .
daily:
6 to 12 cups of coffee 2 creams 1 sugar
1 meal
as much water as desired
6oo crunches
1oo push-ups (not the ice cream)

weekly allowances:
1 extra meal
1 drinky drinks

so, lets hope i can stick to it
hmmmmmmmm. . ..

plastic man, the chameleon boy
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: radiohead - ok computer

down down down.. ....

that's the feeling of the last 3 days.
no surprises.
no wanting... . just being, feeling surreal.
nothing.
just like watching a movie only the sound has grown muffled and screen gets a bit blurry ever now and again.
little scar brings minuscule relief.
memories like knives to my back, flood me with images crystal clear until the moment passes, if indeed, it does.
if i could find the edge i'd jump although the fear is i'd continue falling and falling.
am i failing?
i'd tear this face off mine of but the mask has become me. i am plastic man.

chameleon boy... .
a shape shifter with no notion of self.
forget who i am or who you think i am.
i have forgotten and you never knew...

i really ain't dead yet.

Topic: cryptic writings
START TRANSMISSION -

black blanket scars!
deep down tired.. ..
. ... almost empty/running on dry ... .
. .. THUMP . ...
. .. ... THUMP . . . .
. THUMP .. ..
breaking eggs and the shells all gone.. ..
. .. .gross. .. stink. ... death .. . .
to feel like it was. . ? ?? ?? ?
almost!
what a day.
what a nite.
what a life.
.......... . .. .. . . .... . .. . what life?
tired exaggeration.
egg on your face. . .. .. . .. .
lets make an omelet!

who ate my ... .. my. .. my. . .
. . .. oh well. ... i. ... eye. .. ..
... must've forgot. .... .

- END TRANSMISSION

Topic: the crap i buy
yesterday:
ren & stimpy - seasons 1 & 2
taco bell - 2 beef meximelts, a crunchy taco and a regular nacho
super big gulp - sprite
altoids - tangerine sour
tylenol flu - day/nite combo

down with the sickness/brighter days
Mood:  lazy
ok. vacation is going just fine, however, everyone has gotten a taste of this NASTY flu. i can say, with all honesty... i have NEVER throw up soooooooooo much in such a short time. it was SICK! i was down for about 2 days and 1 of those days i tried to sleep near the tiolet. now it just feels like i was hit by a mac truck.. goody.

well, only a few more days and i'm back to the grind. i actually can't wait.... i like working... it keeps my mind from running off with my sanity.

merry halloween
Now Playing: sound of the beat to the rhythm of the war drum
last nite we went to Knotts Scary Farm. gooooood... goodgoodgoodgoodgoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood.

even though we didn't get there and in the park until around 9:3oish. well worth the $36 to see my sister scream herself to hell and jump every other second. VERY funa nd no one died although we thought stacey (the wife) may have fallen through some of the harnesses of her weighing just under a buck. guess not though. Disneyland is FRIDAY. i go back to the mother-in-laws tomorrow. hilarity ensues!

Topic: the crap i buy
yesterday:

Fahrenheit 9/11
a fifth of jack daniels (polished off last nite)
1lb bag of candy korn
12 pack coke cola (to ... dilute? the jack.. .a chaser?)
2 chicken soft tacos and a bucket of fries from Del Taco

day before yesturday:

1 2o oz mountain dew code red
1 snickers bar
Aladdin - special edition

friday
Mood:  vegas lucky
Now Playing: (in my head) zerbrahead - waste of mind
so all goes well on this actual 1st REAL day of vacation but it seems that the rest of it may not. actually, here's how it started yesturday... .

1:oo pm
arrive at redmond airport and upon not 1 or 2 or 3 times, BUT 4 friggin' times we had to show our id's! at REDMOND stinkin' airport. it's the size of my bathroom for christs sake.
then i totally got FELT UP by the screener and they basically did what i like to call, a full strip seach, on me.... down to my skivvies. turns out that my wedding ring was the problem.... .ASSES!

4:33 pm
just before boarding the plane from portland we are told over the intercom, "just remember folks, you don't have to show a picture id along with your tickets in oregon state.. (isn't redmond a part of oregon?) . . .so let's put them away in a safe place... and that you again for flying alaska.

7:38 pm
because it has been over 3 years since the family and myself have been able to enjoy a nice tasty in-n-out burger, the mother-in-law takes us nice. SO NICE. then the wife take the daughter out, while we are in the drive through, to go to the bathroom. we get the food and then my wife attempts to lock my daughter into her seat... appearently my mother-in-law forgot this and promptly RAN OVER MY WIFES FOOT !! her own daughter! nothings broke.... but FUCK!

9:43 pm
the girls, my niece and 2 daughters, are playing and running around and then BLAM! my youngest gets knocked over and slams head first into the corner of the wall. her head then swells and looks like a plum. a big nasty blood filled plum. after lots of screaming and ice.. it looks like a light bruise this morning. yippie for frozen water!

so.... what fun does today and tomorrow bring us?
i just can't wait... can you?

Topic: cryptic writings
START TRANSMISSION -

if all i can see
in the middle of the backseat
plain thoughts
can't yet stand
broken glass
..... ... .... . to impale my face. ... ..
ice cream.
laughter.
shame.
... shame... .
. .... disgust. ...
the worm spreads its wings.. ..
the wings of icirus BURN to touch the sun.. .
wither.
blister.
burn.
peel.
a suntan is unattainable.... ..
.. .. . the mist. ... ...
. .... . .. .. the dark .. .. .. . ..
..
.. .
. ..
.. .
. try to remember back
. ...... . ...... .. when it was faint?
felt.
feelings.
chest sinks.
time won't take them.
choke

- END TRANSMISSION

Topic: the crap i buy
Today:
korn - best of
inxs - best of
halloween lucky charms
2 20 oz code red mountain dews
a burger king double cheeseburger meal (no pickles)

lust?
Mood:  sad
is lust wrong? or, should i say, if your married, and you almost have a crush, or lust for/on someone. .. is that wrong. .. or just human nature?

how about when it starts to invade your dreams?

just questions....
... .. . . . .. . .. . ... i admit to NOTHING!