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life is killing me
Sunday, 6 December 2020

Topic: cryptic writings

-  BEGIN TRANSMISSION

 

deep and dark...

 

... silence will ring now more...

i sleep, in deep, i dream

 

the fantasy of not. not is of no consequence.

other worldly endeavors, so quaint

chains rattled and a pop of wine? no. whine.

..

.

teeth chatter... nothing to see here

then maybe again...

END TRANSMISSION


 


lack of control by no one in particular at 11:39 PM PST
Updated: Sunday, 6 December 2020 11:42 PM PST
Tuesday, 2 February 2016
Cryptic Transmissions_OPERATIONAL
Topic: cryptic writings

regain transmission ....  

 

Another day appears. ..

Yet still, I'm not.

The gaze surprises none. Am i all that i am?

Regress.

 

.... welcome to the fun zone. ...

 

Welcome back

 

.... .. end. ..

... traNsmiSsion  .... 


lack of control by no one in particular at 10:32 PM PST
Updated: Tuesday, 2 February 2016 10:35 PM PST
Tuesday, 26 April 2005

Topic: cryptic writings
START TRANSMISSION -

my eyes...... .
. .. the scent and the thick covered/// LIES
bluRRrrring reaLity.
.
...
.
the crutch.
the lonliness.
the devestation.
the devoured.
the rebuttle.
.
...
glimpse of a promise, nose triffed and trampled.
bleeding hearts and a cracked smile..
..
. the taste of metal. ..
...
. almost enough//// / and never ending.

over and over and over and over and over and over...
.........
.
....
..
..
.
...
..
.
.
.
i/////WE/ ///// / / //// /// do it to mY/our slevVes
. .
.

- END TRANSMISSION

lack of control by no one in particular at 5:07 PM PDT
Updated: Friday, 29 April 2005 4:04 PM PDT
Wednesday, 9 February 2005

Topic: cryptic writings
START TRANSMISSION -

porcelain skin
so thin, i faint to breathe...
a thought floats. .
.. . a dream, a cycle, a past that haunts..
.. . my eyes wide awake ... yet they lie dormant ... ..
afraid to tell the truth.
. ... afraid they live in the lie..

to touch
to feel.
i feel as if nothing at all
it covers
lying thick in DEEP sick noise

her skin so lite and free..
a touch...
. ..so slight and frail.. .
. .. . she breaks and is set free.... .
. .so beautiful...
. .. .. so bright. ...
.. .light breaks the haze...
..
.
.. ..
the haze..
. . haze. .
. . .i hate.. ..
morning.
brings fate and i start again... ..
.. .. .
. ..
..
.
.
porcelain skin.
leaves me longing. ..
. ..
.
.

...

- END TRANSMISSION

lack of control by no one in particular at 4:29 PM PST
Monday, 18 October 2004

Topic: cryptic writings
START TRANSMISSION -

black blanket scars!
deep down tired.. ..
. ... almost empty/running on dry ... .
. .. THUMP . ...
. .. ... THUMP . . . .
. THUMP .. ..
breaking eggs and the shells all gone.. ..
. .. .gross. .. stink. ... death .. . .
to feel like it was. . ? ?? ?? ?
almost!
what a day.
what a nite.
what a life.
.......... . .. .. . . .... . .. . what life?
tired exaggeration.
egg on your face. . .. .. . .. .
lets make an omelet!

who ate my ... .. my. .. my. . .
. . .. oh well. ... i. ... eye. .. ..
... must've forgot. .... .

- END TRANSMISSION

lack of control by no one in particular at 10:14 PM PDT
Tuesday, 5 October 2004

Topic: cryptic writings
START TRANSMISSION -

if all i can see
in the middle of the backseat
plain thoughts
can't yet stand
broken glass
..... ... .... . to impale my face. ... ..
ice cream.
laughter.
shame.
... shame... .
. .... disgust. ...
the worm spreads its wings.. ..
the wings of icirus BURN to touch the sun.. .
wither.
blister.
burn.
peel.
a suntan is unattainable.... ..
.. .. . the mist. ... ...
. .... . .. .. the dark .. .. .. . ..
..
.. .
. ..
.. .
. try to remember back
. ...... . ...... .. when it was faint?
felt.
feelings.
chest sinks.
time won't take them.
choke

- END TRANSMISSION

lack of control by no one in particular at 10:48 PM PDT
Sunday, 26 September 2004

Topic: cryptic writings
START TRANSMISSION -

black and blue....
... beep beep beep ...
so tired to sleep....
... beep beep beep ...
always waiting but for what?
who the hell cares?
so sorry we missed you... .
. . ... although aren't you dead yet?? ??? ?
whats with the 3hird DEgREE?
apoligies to the. ..
wait,
nevermind.
hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooope
is
lost.
forget it all.
.... .. ... ALL OF IT.. .... ..
nothing last forever..
.. ... ... . .. .. .. .. .. . . please press the reset!

- END TRANSMISSION

lack of control by no one in particular at 12:24 AM PDT
Wednesday, 25 August 2004

Topic: cryptic writings
START TRANSMISSION -

i still remember the gleam in her eyes...
.. the sparkle in her face .... .
the way she smelled.
the way in which she moved me.
... .. the crease where her top and bottom lips touched...
. .. .oh. ..... ooohhhhhhhh those angel soft lips.
her top lip. so fine... ..
so sharp and fine it would slice through butter..... ... but better, my heart.
. .. her bottom lip, pouting.. ... .
i remember.. . off in a daze, longing, MUCH like now... to watch her talk,
lost in those lips ... .. oblivious. .. .
oblivious to everything.

angel soft her porcelain skin.
tiny hands... so soft... .
she was everything.
my mind would flutter in and out.... .
.. . day dreams and living in the moment.
i remember the way she fluttered her eyes.....
. .. the innocence .. . the elegance.
tangled up and we'd miss the rain,
pounding on the roof...
my heart would pound me down for her.... .
her eyes glistened like the sun caught in the mornings mist...
.. so bright and sad... .
i'd long for her so long i'd thought i'd died,
and really,
at times,
for love....
it felt like i did.

i'd watch from a far as the tears rolled down my cheeks..... .
counting the clicks of the clock.. .
clicks that ate away at my soul... .
until i felt her warm embrace again.
the wholeness.
the way she felt right in my arms,
the way she made the world go away,
the way her hair felt pressed against the side of my face.... ..
. .. she made silence comfortable.. ..
and the loneliness feel warm.. . . . . . .....
to feel the warmth.. .
. . .. . .. ..

- END TRANSMISSION

lack of control by no one in particular at 11:29 PM PDT
Sunday, 15 August 2004

Topic: cryptic writings
START TRANSMISSION -

black hearts lust
a symptom of the weakened flesh
sour, soft, wet.
sweet sweat drips down.

absinthe makes the heart grow fonder

oranges and red lights glow yellow,
danse your life aways away.
almost enough to make believe the lie.
beautiful mourning glow.
a heart beat to the pulse of the sound of a thousands screaming dreams....
. . . .the drum drum bangs BANGS.. ....

story's of loss and of love

throat tightens
and a wayward empty smiles,
gnashing teeth to bare bones.
bodies upon the floor.
hers' is mine.
the devil may cry.
beneath the floor....
... . .beneath the stench of lust .... ..
... .. ..... .. beneath the still beating heart.. ..

thump.... . thump. ... ... thump. . ... thump. ..

paper angels.
magic mystical fairies.
a truer truth to be told besets you.
is not it mine?
a growth now appears,
picking at the scab reveals a scar.
IT GROWS.. .
. .. . and grows.. ..
darker.
darker.
darker still.

purple pattern's emerge to beat it down.
so sorry for the inconvenience.

- END TRANSMISSION

lack of control by no one in particular at 8:30 PM PDT
Friday, 13 August 2004

Topic: cryptic writings
START TRANSMISSION -

and it is all she said...
the running vast abyss of loneliness,
despair,
disarray,
desire.
desire?
desire!
DE-SIR-E !! !

could it be because it already is?
... .. . . is not what it once was or could be.
. . ..because it just. . . . .doesn't .. . .
....................... . . .. . . .. . . care.
... and who should?
not me.
not you.
not them nor their peers.
peeping tom.

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10. .. . .
.. . start all over again. . ..
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8
1,3,4,2,4,5,6,
,3,2,3,,23,2,3,23,2,3,2,3,24,2,3,45,23,4523,4
a motive would prove useful.
use full advantage of the passion.
give it all to me, myself and i.

eye for an eye.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ha.

and so it was on. ... ..
off.
on,
off.
(cough)
thank you!

- END TRANSMISSION

lack of control by no one in particular at 3:27 AM PDT
Tuesday, 3 August 2004

Topic: cryptic writings
START TRANSMISSION -

long cold nite.
buried it long ago deep inside.
anything i'll do....
anything?
... .. . .. . .. ....... . . .. . ... .. . ANYthinG.
life life love live life life love
a find is to butter
as the blind is to smother
and cover
and disguise
and repent
and forgive
forget
forget
forget
.............. . . . .. ... 4gotten?

within each flake of new fallen snow
did she arise within new face
so glad are we
almost like it was always meant to be.
a natural gift?
the naturally gifted have no say in the complications of the flesh and the sins of the heart.
blackest is mine.
blackest is my most inner thought: disguised to me myself alone.

as i thought.. . i sat to think about it.
it? apossibility
of the truest blue .... .. ..
.. .. .. . .. . skies did fall. .. .. .
. .. .. arrows in the spine. ... .. .. .. . . . .
. .. . ... . . we need the wood for the fire.. .. ..
. . . godsend me an angel... ... .. . . .
. . ...... . crimson lips. .. . .. .. .. .. .. . . .
. . ... .. . .. . . pale whitest skin. .. .. . ...
.. .. . .wings of fire and temptations wings can't i not shake? ? ?????? ?

shaken not stirred.

PAUSE
(ringing ... ... ringing. .. ... ringing. .. .)
silence waits....
. .. sits and stares.. .. .. . .. .. .. . . .
to whom am i speaking?
"i speak not for i am without". ..
without? without what? a tongue? a mouth?
"foolish and irrational... sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep"
i sssssee sooooo i. . i .. uhhhhhhhhhh
(falls asleep)
REDIAL
(ringing ... ... ringing. .. ... ringing. .. .)
HANG UP

- END TRANSMISSION

lack of control by no one in particular at 11:44 PM PDT
Updated: Tuesday, 3 August 2004 11:46 PM PDT
Friday, 30 July 2004

Topic: cryptic writings
START TRANSMISSION -

heavy head wades so deep.deep.. .DEEP.
plastic eyeballs.
..... .. plastic face.
.............. .. plastic ways make neat for display.
true.not uncommon.LIES
puke.puke.. dum dumb duh.
longer.lighter.leather face and itching skin...
.. . .beneath is scars....
. . .. . .. a scar we cover... ..
. . .to undercover the blanket and find rats beneath the boy who died.dead.gone.forgotten.good riddance.
to seek
and use
to stare
and fake a death infront of a thousand bleeding hearts?
THIEF

underwires snag.tear mine
echo. echo.echoechoecoechoechoechoo o o oo o ooo o
down
... .. down
. .. ... ............ .down
strawberry hills
grass still as green
the dogs are all still shedding
laughter is gone yet it grows- louder
misfit days: yesturdays-todays-tomorrows
cancer black and it knows... .. .
happiest days
aand goooooooodd moooooooooourning
suunshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiine.

we love her so
so so
so
so
so
so say your sorry or so help me!

- END TRANSMISSION

lack of control by no one in particular at 1:44 AM PDT
Updated: Friday, 30 July 2004 1:46 AM PDT
Wednesday, 28 July 2004

Topic: cryptic writings
START TRANSMISSION -

lost control.CONTROL.control.
my head creeps... sleeps
a mess, a mess.. .. .
.... . .. . . .. the minds horrible to taste
the time will come when you and i and i will once again rejoice in the finding that we are not.
.... .. not you.not me.not them.not us.
NOTHING!

blank waves and modest stares...
.. . .. catapulting this into a mad.d descend
the dust will clear.... settle... . .
.. .. . time will pass, time will cease to matter.
as a matter of fact the lot of them will face the fact... . .and decide they were right... .you were wrong. your wrong.
right?
beautiful leaves... .. .
the branch's wilt... . ... .
a trunk stumbles and falls. . .. .....
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM !! !
winlessday.futhersday.frdieday.sadderday

- END TRANSMISSION

lack of control by no one in particular at 10:24 AM PDT
Thursday, 22 July 2004

Topic: cryptic writings
START TRANSMISSION -

maybe, maybe... i should think today.
thoughts creep and heartbeat.beats....
what if i want more?
..... .. . .. .. .sometimes less is more!
caged. maintain. goal.
danse with me.
i can't danse.
goal is yet to be manipulated and can't maintain.
stop and smell the time is fleeting.
cash it in.....
... ... ... . always there for me
.. ..... .. . ... . .. .. .take me out to lunch.
wanderlust.
wonder.
wondering.
STOP


i guess i feel i am hiding behind a painted glass..
time is inconsistent.
words float though the air waiting for a chance to be set free yet suddenly fall to the floor.
disgust.
something goes right then sucks and pulls and strangles the life out of you.
mystery.
nobody cares.
nobody loves.
moping around the streets again.
drinking to many drinks..... .
.. ...... .. . .. . .. drinking for you .. .. ..
. .. . .. . drinking BECAUSE of you .. . ...
in the deep.
settling on the best possible outcome, i gather that the only plausible end result is ... .. .
......... ............ .............. .. . a life
. .. . .. .... .. .. .. ... .. a love
......... .. . . .. . . DEATH

lovebegatsdeathbegatslovebegatsdeath : one in the same
as it ever was
as it ever is
fire deep inside.
DEEP.EP.EP .. ... . . ..... . ..... . . ........... . . .. ........... .. .. .... .. . ........ ... .. . ....... .DEEP

- END TRANSMISSION

lack of control by no one in particular at 10:41 AM PDT
Updated: Thursday, 22 July 2004 10:42 AM PDT

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