plastic man, the chameleon boy
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: radiohead - ok computer

down down down.. ....

that's the feeling of the last 3 days.
no surprises.
no wanting... . just being, feeling surreal.
nothing.
just like watching a movie only the sound has grown muffled and screen gets a bit blurry ever now and again.
little scar brings minuscule relief.
memories like knives to my back, flood me with images crystal clear until the moment passes, if indeed, it does.
if i could find the edge i'd jump although the fear is i'd continue falling and falling.
am i failing?
i'd tear this face off mine of but the mask has become me. i am plastic man.

chameleon boy... .
a shape shifter with no notion of self.
forget who i am or who you think i am.
i have forgotten and you never knew...

i really ain't dead yet.

Topic: cryptic writings
START TRANSMISSION -

black blanket scars!
deep down tired.. ..
. ... almost empty/running on dry ... .
. .. THUMP . ...
. .. ... THUMP . . . .
. THUMP .. ..
breaking eggs and the shells all gone.. ..
. .. .gross. .. stink. ... death .. . .
to feel like it was. . ? ?? ?? ?
almost!
what a day.
what a nite.
what a life.
.......... . .. .. . . .... . .. . what life?
tired exaggeration.
egg on your face. . .. .. . .. .
lets make an omelet!

who ate my ... .. my. .. my. . .
. . .. oh well. ... i. ... eye. .. ..
... must've forgot. .... .

- END TRANSMISSION

Topic: the crap i buy
yesterday:
ren & stimpy - seasons 1 & 2
taco bell - 2 beef meximelts, a crunchy taco and a regular nacho
super big gulp - sprite
altoids - tangerine sour
tylenol flu - day/nite combo

down with the sickness/brighter days
Mood:  lazy
ok. vacation is going just fine, however, everyone has gotten a taste of this NASTY flu. i can say, with all honesty... i have NEVER throw up soooooooooo much in such a short time. it was SICK! i was down for about 2 days and 1 of those days i tried to sleep near the tiolet. now it just feels like i was hit by a mac truck.. goody.

well, only a few more days and i'm back to the grind. i actually can't wait.... i like working... it keeps my mind from running off with my sanity.

merry halloween
Now Playing: sound of the beat to the rhythm of the war drum
last nite we went to Knotts Scary Farm. gooooood... goodgoodgoodgoodgoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood.

even though we didn't get there and in the park until around 9:3oish. well worth the $36 to see my sister scream herself to hell and jump every other second. VERY funa nd no one died although we thought stacey (the wife) may have fallen through some of the harnesses of her weighing just under a buck. guess not though. Disneyland is FRIDAY. i go back to the mother-in-laws tomorrow. hilarity ensues!

Topic: the crap i buy
yesterday:

Fahrenheit 9/11
a fifth of jack daniels (polished off last nite)
1lb bag of candy korn
12 pack coke cola (to ... dilute? the jack.. .a chaser?)
2 chicken soft tacos and a bucket of fries from Del Taco

day before yesturday:

1 2o oz mountain dew code red
1 snickers bar
Aladdin - special edition

friday
Mood:  vegas lucky
Now Playing: (in my head) zerbrahead - waste of mind
so all goes well on this actual 1st REAL day of vacation but it seems that the rest of it may not. actually, here's how it started yesturday... .

1:oo pm
arrive at redmond airport and upon not 1 or 2 or 3 times, BUT 4 friggin' times we had to show our id's! at REDMOND stinkin' airport. it's the size of my bathroom for christs sake.
then i totally got FELT UP by the screener and they basically did what i like to call, a full strip seach, on me.... down to my skivvies. turns out that my wedding ring was the problem.... .ASSES!

4:33 pm
just before boarding the plane from portland we are told over the intercom, "just remember folks, you don't have to show a picture id along with your tickets in oregon state.. (isn't redmond a part of oregon?) . . .so let's put them away in a safe place... and that you again for flying alaska.

7:38 pm
because it has been over 3 years since the family and myself have been able to enjoy a nice tasty in-n-out burger, the mother-in-law takes us nice. SO NICE. then the wife take the daughter out, while we are in the drive through, to go to the bathroom. we get the food and then my wife attempts to lock my daughter into her seat... appearently my mother-in-law forgot this and promptly RAN OVER MY WIFES FOOT !! her own daughter! nothings broke.... but FUCK!

9:43 pm
the girls, my niece and 2 daughters, are playing and running around and then BLAM! my youngest gets knocked over and slams head first into the corner of the wall. her head then swells and looks like a plum. a big nasty blood filled plum. after lots of screaming and ice.. it looks like a light bruise this morning. yippie for frozen water!

so.... what fun does today and tomorrow bring us?
i just can't wait... can you?

Topic: cryptic writings
START TRANSMISSION -

if all i can see
in the middle of the backseat
plain thoughts
can't yet stand
broken glass
..... ... .... . to impale my face. ... ..
ice cream.
laughter.
shame.
... shame... .
. .... disgust. ...
the worm spreads its wings.. ..
the wings of icirus BURN to touch the sun.. .
wither.
blister.
burn.
peel.
a suntan is unattainable.... ..
.. .. . the mist. ... ...
. .... . .. .. the dark .. .. .. . ..
..
.. .
. ..
.. .
. try to remember back
. ...... . ...... .. when it was faint?
felt.
feelings.
chest sinks.
time won't take them.
choke

- END TRANSMISSION

Topic: the crap i buy
Today:
korn - best of
inxs - best of
halloween lucky charms
2 20 oz code red mountain dews
a burger king double cheeseburger meal (no pickles)

lust?
Mood:  sad
is lust wrong? or, should i say, if your married, and you almost have a crush, or lust for/on someone. .. is that wrong. .. or just human nature?

how about when it starts to invade your dreams?

just questions....
... .. . . . .. . .. . ... i admit to NOTHING!

ode to no one in particular
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: twista - kamakazi
i dream of you
i dream i do
the fallings skies
believe it's true
the life and love
with sin make one
the mourning sky
will make undone
beat me
shame me
ignore me
then blame me
if true love is hell
war too writes tales
when all in all
the ship sets sail
a world divided
to a change provided
the kiss now empty
the jury's decided.......... ... guilty.

Topic: the crap i buy
today:

marilyn manson - lest we forget : best of
my chemical romance - three cheers for revenge
crimson skies for the x-box.... the BIG boy system
2 20 oz code red mountain dews

steak fajitas
2 ultimate margaritas

yesterday:
1 large bag of peanut m&m's
2 12 oz code red mountain dews

Topic: cryptic writings
START TRANSMISSION -

black and blue....
... beep beep beep ...
so tired to sleep....
... beep beep beep ...
always waiting but for what?
who the hell cares?
so sorry we missed you... .
. . ... although aren't you dead yet?? ??? ?
whats with the 3hird DEgREE?
apoligies to the. ..
wait,
nevermind.
hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooope
is
lost.
forget it all.
.... .. ... ALL OF IT.. .... ..
nothing last forever..
.. ... ... . .. .. .. .. .. . . please press the reset!

- END TRANSMISSION

Topic: the crap i buy
in accordance with my previous posting about this topic i must clarify... this will be about the crap i buy for MYSELF.

today:
citizen cope - the clarence greenwood recordings
2 code red mountain dew 12 oz cans
1 mountain dew 12 oz can
1 double cheeseburger meal minus pickles
listeren pocket strips
1 large bottle of excedrin migrane

yesturday:
1 pair of sketchers sport shoes- black and blue, size 11
4 mountain dew 12 oz cans
1 sprite 20 oz bottle

a life hung on some tragedy
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: sponge - rotting pinata
.... .and the day began with a whimper and stretched LONG into the day. i've been feeling pent up and frustrated lately. maybe i'm getting sick.. .i can feel it moving into my sinuses. my body is starting to feel weak and this lonely feeling comes round, circling me again. in a couple of weeks i get a vacation. YIPPIE! it seems i'm going back down to southern california to visit some in-laws for a week. since i'm not paying for the flight, i guess i'll fly.... although i'm DEATHLY afraid i'll fall out of the sky. who knows, maybe. i've been thinking that if i had had a way to make time stand still, i would have... as i'm sure everyone would have at some point in their lives.
i've been dreaming of shallow waters yet they seem deep because i can vaguely see, beneath the surface, something which can not be described. it startles me as it seems MUCH deeper but only comes to my ankles.. .and the sitting water is always in some place from my youth... which again puzzles me. some places i KNOW existed and experiences i KNOW i had while others, well, i'm just not sure if they were real or if i imagined they were real.
tonite, i'll just drift of into the abyss that is my mind and hope i don't wake up, or realize that i have..... .
.. . i feel like crying now... .. ..
oh, the pain of being pathetic.
i am.

new topic!
Topic: the crap i buy
just thought of this.... hmmmm. GENIUS! everything that i buy throughout the day shall be posted here. oh great wonders of the world.

bored drum beats me down
Mood:  irritated
hmmm.. well, my overnite stint and work is now complete. i worked my ass off the last 2 nites and ended up staying awake for at least 30 hrs the other day. feeling the sleep deprivation sink in, i decided to have some drinks.. . ahhh daddy juice. anyways, feeling a bit, oh "loopy". . .i went and blew some money on some recent dvds and cds.

the killers - hot fuss
the prodigy - always outnumbered, never outgunned
the faint - blank wave arcade
the faint - wet from birth
rock against bush - Vol. 2
ultra danse music - Vol. 4
bjork - medulla
sammy hagar - best of

the passion of the christ
the punisher
invader zim - Vol. 2
aqua teen hunger force - Vol. 1
aqua teen hunger force - Vol. 2
fraggle rock - where it all began

so, normally i don't just go out and buy this much crap. . .but what can i say.... IT HAD TO HAPPEN!
anyways, snow is REALLY in the forcast in the next couple of days, on this, my 4 day weekend. YIPPIE for me.. .. i have no plans!
if indeed it does in fact snow... i'll have to post it. or maybe not.
feeling cryptic soon. ... ..

anticipation grows
Mood:  mischievious
Now Playing: mtv2.com streaming: the faint - wet from birth
very excitied! new the faint album out tomorrow!! mtv2.com has been streaming it since last tuesday. everyday. EVERYDAY! they truely are one of the greatest underground bands! LOVE THEM!
i am also looking forward to the new the prodigy album tomorrow, always outnumbered, never outgunned. i have downloaded the mp3 version of it, so of course i'll buy it. . .the quality on a cd is noticable to me.
snow should be coming soon.
. ... the 1st day of fall is the 22nd.. ..
everything dies.

,,,,why, why would i
,,,,who could know the way
,,,,would you, you please
,,,,remember the way in which i tried
,,,,aloud
,,,,
,,,,aloud
,,,,
,,,
,,
,
,

buttered toast!

moment of silence