Emoods. i 🖤 this app. makes tracking my moods... which may not be what i thought. seems that i am again cycling 🤔 as i track my moods daily.
cold chills fill me up
rot and decay flood my dreams
the dead call to me but no ones home
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Emoods. i 🖤 this app. makes tracking my moods... which may not be what i thought. seems that i am again cycling 🤔 as i track my moods daily.
cold chills fill me up
rot and decay flood my dreams
the dead call to me but no ones home
woke up upon a cold sweat at 230am!
from then on, i couldn't catch my breathe and the pain of a hot red iron pick was shoving its way through my left eye. it was searing through the back and through my brain. i haven't had a migraine like this in forever. i couldn't go back to sleep, the feeling of heat and misery plagued me through the night.
so, visions raced in my mind... did i shower? did i need to shower? could anyone hear me as the spike went through my brain? did i imagine this all or was i dreaming i spoke out about it?
will this pain now drift away or down now to the deep pit of my stomach?
Yes, something just like this. Holidays make me happy and ill at the same time. All i really want is some jack daniel's and that warm feeling from within and the pain to drift away. Even for just one minute.
No food. Just whiskey and the smooth burn it provides
https://youtu.be/5vbLOEzgr4Y
It's been, well, sometime since the last time go round.
No one has been really listening of reading this. Oh well, its not for anyone anyway.
In no order...
i love walking in the rain
i love listening to the rain hit and tap repeatedly on my windows
i love jumping in puddles
i love listening to old tunes that i used to listen to but with good headphones 🎧 and hearing them in new and fascinating ways
i love sleeping with the fan on
i love that i am kind of living out a dream... as im living next to a cemetery! its right behind my condo... though not nearly enough tombstones above ground for my liking
i love falling asleep to dark wave goth tinged music. dark. black. drowns out the voices
i love forgetting to take my meds, the voices inside remind me what i used to see and feel
i love if i could be in all black ⚫ ... black shirt, black pants, black socks, pirch black shoes .. maybe with a red tie
until i find more time... and things to love
This is how 🤔 i 🖤
far from anything i ever wanted to be. i once thought of the person I could have sworn i was supposed to be. It turned out to be something else. im not a narrasist, my traits though, would at times make it seem that way, though, however misleading.
Rather
i have found that the unmedicated version of my could be awe inspiring and comfortable. that version wore his heart on his sleeve and felt everything, EVERYTHING! all that was warm, thick and obsessed. pale and black 🔳 🔲 and devoid of space and time. it was there that everything and nothing flourished. simpler times, fond times.
Reality
i lost control. completely. unhinged and afraid 😨 voices, sight.
Until again....
i discovered my login to this blog. Discovered i created this tripod site 11 Jun 2004.
That time in my life was different. Seems far away and also not that long ago. i penned most of what this space was from a computer tower and screen. Taking time to divulge things I'd 😌 never speak of.
i followed the path of an un medicated me. The naive person that i was. In a land of make believe.
Now.... all I ask... I why am I here again
regain transmission ....
Another day appears. ..
Yet still, I'm not.
The gaze surprises none. Am i all that i am?
Regress.
.... welcome to the fun zone. ...
Welcome back
.... .. end. ..
... traNsmiSsion ....