a life hung on some tragedy
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: sponge - rotting pinata
.... .and the day began with a whimper and stretched LONG into the day. i've been feeling pent up and frustrated lately. maybe i'm getting sick.. .i can feel it moving into my sinuses. my body is starting to feel weak and this lonely feeling comes round, circling me again. in a couple of weeks i get a vacation. YIPPIE! it seems i'm going back down to southern california to visit some in-laws for a week. since i'm not paying for the flight, i guess i'll fly.... although i'm DEATHLY afraid i'll fall out of the sky. who knows, maybe. i've been thinking that if i had had a way to make time stand still, i would have... as i'm sure everyone would have at some point in their lives.
i've been dreaming of shallow waters yet they seem deep because i can vaguely see, beneath the surface, something which can not be described. it startles me as it seems MUCH deeper but only comes to my ankles.. .and the sitting water is always in some place from my youth... which again puzzles me. some places i KNOW existed and experiences i KNOW i had while others, well, i'm just not sure if they were real or if i imagined they were real.
tonite, i'll just drift of into the abyss that is my mind and hope i don't wake up, or realize that i have..... .
.. . i feel like crying now... .. ..
oh, the pain of being pathetic.
i am.