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Sunday, 18 July 2004
random thoughts and outbursts in my head
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: infest - papa roach

ever listen to some songs and instantly they pull you back to a time, some good and others bad.

i could sleep in the heat forever, it lulls me into a time and place... one of innocence.

thinking, sinking.

if i focus in on the pain it makes me feel that much worse all the while it makes me somehow feel all that much better... what's that all about?

i have been having trouble with my vision, i have recently ,specifically, been having a problem with the focus in my right eye. it blends in and out of focus throughout the day... i can't tell when or why this happens... it seems to come from out of nowhere although i'm sure it is stress related.

my chest feels empty yet i know my heart is in there.. . somewhere... causing me worry because i fear that it is breaking. life is killing me.

i eat because i am never hungry.

i wake because i can not sleep forever.

on average, when i feel the need to, suffering from a headache.... i take anywhere from 6 to 10 excedrin migrane.

i give blood because it is the right thing to do, being that i am o-negative.

i give blood because i like to feel the life being pumped out of me, even if it is only a pint... or 2 at a time (they like to take 1 1/2 to 2 from me now).

i am afraid of myself.

i have no friends.

sometimes it looks like everything is in slow motion, literally.

lack of control by no one in particular at 6:56 PM PDT
Updated: Sunday, 18 July 2004 6:57 PM PDT

Comments Page

Wednesday, 21 July 2004 - 8:36 PM PDT

Name: tammy
Home Page: http://tammy77586.tripod.com/index.html

I think we all have the same thoughts...

I constantly have migraines, I eat tylenol 3 with codiene like theyre candy..nothing ever helps...
I'm an "A" student/honor student yet feel like everything is shit..I have no friends at all..but I'm well liked and mostly disliked at the same time because I'm an over achiever and no-one likes someone who "thinks they know it all" even if they do...
ANY song from the 80's and up to 1996 immediately put me in a state of depression that sometimes takes MONTHS to get out of that I've completely stopped listening to the radio and don't even own a stereo here at my house..
I LOVE sleeping in the sun..or near the window with it open with a fan blowing on me because of the way it reminds me of when I was growing up in CT. with the soft breezes that danced across the skin and the sweet smell of grass during the day and the sound of the frogs and crickets playing in unison at night....crap...but not here in Texas where at night everything is hiding from the days intensive heat and the only thing you might smell is the lingering odor of the nightly mosquito truck spewing it's poison in the air....

yeah...I think we all have those thoughts...
cheer up...it can "only get better" :)

Reply to this Comment

Wednesday, 21 July 2004 - 8:36 PM PDT

Name: tammy
Home Page: http://tammy77586.tripod.com/index.html

I think we all have the same thoughts...

I constantly have migraines, I eat tylenol 3 with codiene like theyre candy..nothing ever helps...
I'm an "A" student/honor student yet feel like everything is shit..I have no friends at all..but I'm well liked and mostly disliked at the same time because I'm an over achiever and no-one likes someone who "thinks they know it all" even if they do...
ANY song from the 80's and up to 1996 immediately put me in a state of depression that sometimes takes MONTHS to get out of that I've completely stopped listening to the radio and don't even own a stereo here at my house..
I LOVE sleeping in the sun..or near the window with it open with a fan blowing on me because of the way it reminds me of when I was growing up in CT. with the soft breezes that danced across the skin and the sweet smell of grass during the day and the sound of the frogs and crickets playing in unison at night....crap...but not here in Texas where at night everything is hiding from the days intensive heat and the only thing you might smell is the lingering odor of the nightly mosquito truck spewing it's poison in the air....

yeah...I think we all have those thoughts...
cheer up...it can "only get better" :)

Reply to this Comment

Monday, 26 July 2004 - 6:12 PM PDT

Name: Genoveve

'if i focus in on the pain it makes me feel that much worse all the while it makes me somehow feel all that much better... what's that all about? '

could it be that pain is the only emotion you CAN feel? the only emotion that you can somewhat control? I can make myself depressed, if i let me. But i cannot make myself feel happy. Just a thought...

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