Mood:
downNow Playing: breaking benjamin - saturate
with all that has floated through and all that has gotten caught within the vast space of my mind, i have reached a moment of realization: i want to be bold. i've want to please and piss off EVERYONE. i want to surround myself with a crowd and push them all away at once.
before i die i'd like to apologize to all the girlfriends i've ever had and let them know how much they really meant to me. maybe then the ghosts of my past could stop haunting me and i could sleep in peace. i'd like to apologize to my family and let them know that i can't bear the thought of them growing close to me for fearing that i'll may become and am, in some ways, my father. i can't bear the fact that i am who i am and that i can't change where i came from.
see, i've been thinking lately (which causes nothing but hesitation and confusion) that i can't be because i've never been. i was thinking about a friends husbands death. shes remarried now, which is fine by me, yet leaves me pondering. i've never given much to the thought of soul mates, however, if there is such a thing... could a person not have more than 1? i start to think about it and i think: YES. sure, in a world full of billions of people, it's possible to have MANY although we may only catch up to and realize maybe, oh 3 or 4.
whats this have to do with anything? ... i don't know. maybe it's just the jack i've recently come back in contact with, along with the hollowness i've felt lately. who knows? all i know is i wrote all this down so i'll keep it. hell, i feel worse now...
great... .
theres always tomorrow....
lack of control by no one in particular
at 4:44 PM PDT
Updated: Saturday, 3 July 2004 4:45 PM PDT
