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life is killing me
Wednesday, 2 March 2005
words 42/43/44
within the creases of my mind...
black /sharp/jagged.. !@1.. .
i learn to lose control

.. ... .. i make the time
.. .. . i make up the lies and break the back of all those who learned to love, though now... .. LOATHE

beauty in blood.slow motion daydream

it swirls and burns then goes cold. ccold as my thoughts and desires... .. am i/am i not? ?? !?#
if i tried again would it prove fruitful?? ??
// // /// or is the pain of it all/all that i chose to be?

pills/drink/crash/splat/gas/rope/belt/stab/slice/choke/break .. . ...
or perhaps a liquid organ cleanser?
i like to lose myself in myself in the music of dark/alone. to miss me is to be me. a longing for something that is undeniably nothing. what is it??? NOTHING! just the spinning of wheels, grinding of gears... the well oiled machine now, again, drying up.

vapor

a rhyme with no reason a question with no answer.
... open my chest and take out my heart....
. ... . . the messages say you could borrow my soul.. . i think it ignores me sometimes... or is it that which make me lose all/and give up?

overandoverandoverandoverandoverandoveragain

lack of control by 6yearsgone at 11:22 AM PST
Saturday, 26 February 2005
the obviously redundant. . .i think?
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: hawthorne heights - the silence in black and white
is it me?

or do certain people.. for no apparent reason, just PISS you off and irritate the hell out of you. i mean, that is to say... for no reason at all. i just can't seem to get these few people from under my skin... and i try, believe me, i do try. it just seems that the more i try to ignore and suppress the fact i can't stand these people, for no reason, it make me grow even more agitated.

it kills me.
really... it does.

it's not that i haven't confronted these people, sometimes often, however... man! they really just kill me! make my head all jumbled in a bad way and i hate it. i try to focus on myself and my objectives and goal but then BLAM! they they go and with their stupid grins and arrogance.

ahhhh. ..i'd like to say that make me feel better but it only makes me feel worse. kinda like the people i see that i know aren't really there.

hee hee.

ow.

lack of control by 6yearsgone at 7:33 PM PST
Thursday, 24 February 2005
ahhhh, yes. those little darlings
Now Playing: zeromancer - clone your lover
well, here's NOTHING so far.
i will be uploading new pictures as i get them scanned... you'll find the link below.. or, in the future... under the personal perspective links to the left.

be prepared to sheild your eyes within the next week!

the many faces of insane

lack of control by 6yearsgone at 8:18 PM PST
sorry to say
Topic: the artist within?
(c'mon c'mon) x2

it's in the way that you move
giving me up in the end
it's like a total loss in control
and you felt...
dead my friend

(c'mon c'mon) x2

it's the shine that's in your eye
like a blanket on the stars
then there nothing left to prove
because your really dead inside

(c'mon c'mon)
it's right now, right now
(c'mon c'mon)
why aren't you breathing
(c'mon c'mon)
i can't bear to
(c'mon c'mon)
then suddenly you stopped

i like the feeling from inside
i can feel it pulling you away
can you hear me from inside
or have you run away
it's like the turning in your mind
and the cloudy pitch black skies
i think i finally know the answers
i'm the one who's dead inside

(c'mon c'mon)
it's right now, right now
(c'mon c'mon)
why aren't you breathing
(c'mon c'mon)
i can't bear to
(c'mon c'mon)
then suddenly you stopped

lack of control by 6yearsgone at 6:33 PM PST
Updated: Friday, 25 February 2005 3:43 PM PST
Thursday, 17 February 2005

Topic: the crap i buy
this week alone:

hp pavilion a735w-b
saw (movie)
future leaders of the world (cd)
kayne west (cd)
red dead revolver (x-box game)
taco bell (5 tacos, 2 steak soft tacos, 1 large pepsi, fiesta potatoes and 1 beef meximelt)
a regular turkey, ranch and swiss minus onions from quiznos
levis signature series - loose fit
pretty in pink (dvd)
the brak show - volume 1 (dvd)
david sunflower seeds
i have drank 8 liters of code red mountian dew

. . .thus far

lack of control by 6yearsgone at 11:19 AM PST
1 weak
in the backwoods of my mind i find myself shallow and alone. i find that it is very dark and the world only bleeds in the color of black and deep shades of crimson, they peek through like the faint glimpse of light through the thickness of a foul fog. within it lies an emotionless emotion. it fills up and swells with overwhelming compassion, yet is never released.... hence, emotionless. swallowing remorse and regret. the pains of a past and knowledge of the future creates a void in the present. a faint puke. the shadows in my eyes. it feels like my eyes wallow in the black. it is dark here... yet, i am not afraid.... and yet, i am.

lack of control by 6yearsgone at 11:04 AM PST
Saturday, 12 February 2005
how can i sleep at nite
Mood:  don't ask
it's seeping in deeper you know...
.............
the darkness fills in my eyes...
.. . it know it.
my chest pounds deep inside my heart breaks. .
..
...
. my skin peels. ripe and in full bloom... .
.. . shall i cry and drown in my fears?
. i can't...
... i won't ...
.
..
dream time and i'll go back to when it was forever..
the cold.
the lust.
the moisture.
it's the beginning of all things to end.

it's seeping in deeper you know...
............... .. .. i know .. ...
i think.

lack of control by 6yearsgone at 7:21 PM PST
Wednesday, 9 February 2005

Topic: cryptic writings
START TRANSMISSION -

porcelain skin
so thin, i faint to breathe...
a thought floats. .
.. . a dream, a cycle, a past that haunts..
.. . my eyes wide awake ... yet they lie dormant ... ..
afraid to tell the truth.
. ... afraid they live in the lie..

to touch
to feel.
i feel as if nothing at all
it covers
lying thick in DEEP sick noise

her skin so lite and free..
a touch...
. ..so slight and frail.. .
. .. . she breaks and is set free.... .
. .so beautiful...
. .. .. so bright. ...
.. .light breaks the haze...
..
.
.. ..
the haze..
. . haze. .
. . .i hate.. ..
morning.
brings fate and i start again... ..
.. .. .
. ..
..
.
.
porcelain skin.
leaves me longing. ..
. ..
.
.

...

- END TRANSMISSION

lack of control by 6yearsgone at 4:29 PM PST
there really isn't a need for one
Mood:  mischievious
Now Playing: mix disc - petey pablo ,lil jon, ciara, chingy, usher, and more
i've been meaning to post a new log on this here blog. yet, unfortunety... i have been busy with working overnites and... well, sleeping. so, thought that while i am awake and on a day off... it would be perfect to post.
ever feel MUNDANE? well. ..it seems thats about how i've been feeling as of late. it seems i only get and feel alive is in extreme circumstances. i love the winter.. the snow, rain and cold but i can't seem but want for the summer to hurry and get here. maybe some sunshine and heat would do me some good. i need something to change up this shit mood i'm in.

i have this new tattoo i have in mind. our tax refund is due to be deposited on the 15th. i think i will get a couple of new ones... and a gym membership again. whats this have to do with anything? i don't know.

i really need to make some new music, i think i'm going to strip the motherboard of this computer and upgrade the processor and memory.... yes,. . .make it a music making machine.... DAMN. ..again, what was the point of posting that?

well crap...
think i'm done.

ohhhh...h..h.. oh.. ..no i'm not... new topic above!

lack of control by 6yearsgone at 4:14 PM PST
Wednesday, 26 January 2005
bang down on the sad clown
Mood:  down
Now Playing: my station - yahooLAUNCHcastradio - am_i_that_rot
so. not really sure what i was planning to write. my brain feels tiny and i have come in contact with a nasty cold which carries with it a hearty cough. my skin feels like it wants to break free of me and run away. like i am a parasite and i need to be ridden of myself.

anyways... i get to go back to work friday and i'll once again go back to overnites, until, or so they say... july/august. we shall see. .. ...

lack of control by 6yearsgone at 9:47 PM PST

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